On the issues of Friendship and Hospitality: A Clinical Dissertation
my 2nd article for the vcf newsletter, epistole..
“A Scout makes friends, establishes and maintains harmonious relationships” – so goes one of the rules for being a good boy scout. Such a one-liner however, is deceptively difficult to adhere to. Notice the phrase “Make friends” as opposed to merely “finding friends” , as well as to “establish and maintain harmonious relationships” as opposed to merely “living peacefully with others”. Consider also the stakes involved. A person who is able to achieve the above, besides not only fulfilling his duties as a scout, would also find life to be extremely smooth sailing, with a bevy of people (seemingly) at his beck and call should he ever require assistance, help or just a listening ear. Now imagine the reverse. No words are necessary isn’t it?
In this issue, we will tackle two distinct, but related, issues. That of “Friendship” and that of “Hospitality”. Imagine with me, if you would, two concentric circles. Label the outer one 1 and the inner one 2. Now let 1 be the realm of Hospitality, whilst 2 would be a subset of that, which would be Friendship. Let us consider the smaller circle of friendship first. For most of us, this circle of friends (such an apt example) is far easier to cultivate. The notion of friendship can and should be distilled from the myriad of relationships that we have with other people on a daily basis. Most of us have a pretty good idea of how to be a good friend already. Simply put, a good friend should be someone the other party is always happy to be around with. He/she should be someone you can rely on to help you in times of need, or provide a listening ear, or simply to have fun with. Most importantly, good friends are sincere in their dealings with you. There is mutual trust, understanding of each other’s idiosyncrasies and mutual acceptance of each other’s weaknesses. So “making friends”, as long as it is with the Right People, is a piece of cake, well within our Comfort Zone, and the majority of us are adept at doing that.
The challenge of course, comes when we hit the 2nd, outer circle called Hospitality. This is outside our circle of friends, and implicitly, also outside our Comfort Zone! These are the people you have to reach out to, be it in your sphere of work, study or simply daily life. These are the people who may not have the same interests/race/religion/moral values etc and hence you may not be inclined to get to know them better, except due to other circumstances, you have no choice but to “establish and maintain harmonious relationships” with them. I’ll provide 2 examples from my own life.
Firstly, as a medical student and future doctor, I will inevitably come into contact with hospital administration and of course, the patients (simultaneously the reason and the bane of my existence) complete with their demanding attitudes and ungrateful demeanor. Whilst I have not personally found an answer as to how to deal with these 2 groups of people, my 2nd example should provide a bit more insight.
The 37th International Physics Olympiad was recently held in Singapore, and I signed on to be a tour guide for the international delegates coming here. As it turned out, I was in charge of the delegates from Israel. In my 10 days of showing them around Singapore, I believe I have grasped the true meaning of Hospitality, that it is both a façade and an ethos. What do I mean?
It is easy enough to paste a smile on your face and exchange pleasant small talk when things are going well, but all this is a façade, one that cannot sustain you beyond a few days at best. Then the ethos of Hospitality kicks in. A discerning eye to figure out the wants and needs of another person and knowing how best to meet them, knowing when to give in, and when to stand your ground based on your own values, knowing a person’s culture and background to avoid potential conversational faux pas, keeping a cool and rational front, always smiling, even if things are not going your way, and always, always keeping your mind and heart focused on the bigger picture--- that you are here to help and to serve others. That is the true meaning of hospitality. That is how to step out of your Comfort Zone, and that, in the words of a book title, is how you win friends, influence other people, and be a good boy scout whilst you’re at it.
Joshua
“A Scout makes friends, establishes and maintains harmonious relationships” – so goes one of the rules for being a good boy scout. Such a one-liner however, is deceptively difficult to adhere to. Notice the phrase “Make friends” as opposed to merely “finding friends” , as well as to “establish and maintain harmonious relationships” as opposed to merely “living peacefully with others”. Consider also the stakes involved. A person who is able to achieve the above, besides not only fulfilling his duties as a scout, would also find life to be extremely smooth sailing, with a bevy of people (seemingly) at his beck and call should he ever require assistance, help or just a listening ear. Now imagine the reverse. No words are necessary isn’t it?
In this issue, we will tackle two distinct, but related, issues. That of “Friendship” and that of “Hospitality”. Imagine with me, if you would, two concentric circles. Label the outer one 1 and the inner one 2. Now let 1 be the realm of Hospitality, whilst 2 would be a subset of that, which would be Friendship. Let us consider the smaller circle of friendship first. For most of us, this circle of friends (such an apt example) is far easier to cultivate. The notion of friendship can and should be distilled from the myriad of relationships that we have with other people on a daily basis. Most of us have a pretty good idea of how to be a good friend already. Simply put, a good friend should be someone the other party is always happy to be around with. He/she should be someone you can rely on to help you in times of need, or provide a listening ear, or simply to have fun with. Most importantly, good friends are sincere in their dealings with you. There is mutual trust, understanding of each other’s idiosyncrasies and mutual acceptance of each other’s weaknesses. So “making friends”, as long as it is with the Right People, is a piece of cake, well within our Comfort Zone, and the majority of us are adept at doing that.
The challenge of course, comes when we hit the 2nd, outer circle called Hospitality. This is outside our circle of friends, and implicitly, also outside our Comfort Zone! These are the people you have to reach out to, be it in your sphere of work, study or simply daily life. These are the people who may not have the same interests/race/religion/moral values etc and hence you may not be inclined to get to know them better, except due to other circumstances, you have no choice but to “establish and maintain harmonious relationships” with them. I’ll provide 2 examples from my own life.
Firstly, as a medical student and future doctor, I will inevitably come into contact with hospital administration and of course, the patients (simultaneously the reason and the bane of my existence) complete with their demanding attitudes and ungrateful demeanor. Whilst I have not personally found an answer as to how to deal with these 2 groups of people, my 2nd example should provide a bit more insight.
The 37th International Physics Olympiad was recently held in Singapore, and I signed on to be a tour guide for the international delegates coming here. As it turned out, I was in charge of the delegates from Israel. In my 10 days of showing them around Singapore, I believe I have grasped the true meaning of Hospitality, that it is both a façade and an ethos. What do I mean?
It is easy enough to paste a smile on your face and exchange pleasant small talk when things are going well, but all this is a façade, one that cannot sustain you beyond a few days at best. Then the ethos of Hospitality kicks in. A discerning eye to figure out the wants and needs of another person and knowing how best to meet them, knowing when to give in, and when to stand your ground based on your own values, knowing a person’s culture and background to avoid potential conversational faux pas, keeping a cool and rational front, always smiling, even if things are not going your way, and always, always keeping your mind and heart focused on the bigger picture--- that you are here to help and to serve others. That is the true meaning of hospitality. That is how to step out of your Comfort Zone, and that, in the words of a book title, is how you win friends, influence other people, and be a good boy scout whilst you’re at it.
Joshua
posted by signed on the doctored line at 8:33 AM
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